Family Reunion

What is it that we all have in common apart from ‘friend zones, prison break, and halle berry ? Family Reunions – that unavoidable day, brought upon us all by some special occasion, ritual, or tradition. I know us black folks have it worse than most of the other races because we normally have at LEAST 200 immediate family members and 500 extended family members. I dare you to doubt me, and i’ll furnish you with details of my own family which is not even considered large by African standards, my grandpa was a rabbit and a horse all together i guess, how else can you explain over 15 uncles and 25 aunts, (you have to multiple that by 5), thats just the official no.

So, its Easter, or Eid, or Christmas, or Thanksgiving, or Anniversary or a Wedding or a Funeral or Baptism or Graduation and preparations are in full swing, food and drinks are bought, the cake has been ordered, the living room and/or garden has been cleared to make more room, the kitchen laid out to look like a mess hall in the army barracks, and the night before you had considered all your options and brainstormed on how you could simply miss this day. You thought about a trip but your parents quickly shot you down ‘you can leave tomorrow evening, with your uncle and aunt’, then you thought about having an accident, falling down the stairs and breaking your leg but you don’t wanna be in a cast for weeks or months, then you thought of running away from home, but then you don’t want 120 family members walking around the neighbourhood putting up posters and flyers with the ugliest picture they could find of you, as you got more desperate, you asked yourself the ultimate question – is it worth dying for ? definitely not, 24 hours can’t equal eternity....... or at least so you believed, you’re in for a shock !

The first to arrive are usually the ones who live the farthest away, you know those ones you see once a year and you actually missed a little, they bring gifts, their cute little kids, albeit a year older, and you smile to yourself and say, it’s not that bad after all. Next to arrive, your maternal uncle and aunt that your dad can’t stand, and as if fate loves games, right after them, comes your paternal aunt that your mom can’t stand, you know the one that thinks your dad made a terrible mistake marrying your mom and should have married her friend instead, the smiles fade to frowns in seconds, and she immediately comments on your moms flowers, hair, cooking, home arrangement, design or dress and gets a nice tight response from her. It’s On !

The house gets packed, the little cousins, nephews, nieces, all up in your room, destroying everything in sight, damaging anything that looks expensive and ignoring the cheap stuff, makes you feel like those little bastards are on a mission. You yell at them, they scream, and run to their mom in tears only to be back after 15 minutes to spill some juice over your laptop and touch the screen with chocolate stained fingers. You lose count of the faces, and then the compliments begin, then the arguements, and finally the bragging. This is usually saved for when everyone is gathered at the table to eat, the loud mouth aunt usually goes first.

Aunt Big Mouth – We bought a new car again, it’s the new model, just launched in the market this year, it was a special order from germany.
Aunt Bigger Mouth – We bought a new house, right on the hill, we don’t need cars, we have 5 already, we're thinking of building a mall now.
Aunt Biggest Mouth – Am running for Mayor, i think it’s time, everyone is begging me to do it, and am way hotter than Sarah Palin !
Uncle Loser – I’m looking for a new job, those assholes fired me for having a little drink in the morning.
Uncle Big Shot – Am getting transferred to head the office in Dubai, but i don’t want to go, i want to be close to all of you
Everybody almost at the same – We haven’t seen you in 4 years, stop lying !
Cousin Trouble – Can i leave ? my friends are waiting outside, i’ve got something to do
Cousin Sexy – I can’t eat this, am going to get fat !
Grandma – Looks around the table confused, ......Where is Grandpa (he passed away 5 years ago)
You - Can you all please just shut the fuck up !? ( in your mind ofcourse)

And on and on it goes, but between the laughs and the jeers, the smiles and frowns, the news and the gossips, the updates and the post dates, the hugs and the kisses, the trips to the kitchen and bathroom - on load the food/ off load the food, and especially the noise and the sudden silence when a lost one is remembered, you realize there is no place else you’ll rather be on that given Sunday.

You love them, you hate them, you’ve missed them but you can’t wait for them to leave. And then they go just like they came, one after the other, slowly, stopping by the kitchen to stuff some more cakes in paper bags, drinks under their arms, your nephews and nieces on their shoulders sleeping, yawning, complaining about work the next day, you walk them all to the door, to the car, order the taxis, and say your goodbyes and as you shut the door for the last time that night, you peep into the kitchen, see the dirty dishes piled up and once again for the second time in 48hours, you contemplate suicide.

Your’s Sincerly
A Saint & A Sinner