The Friend Zone (Part 1)

So, i got a lot of feedback from a lot of people, and everyone seemed to like my blog, since most of ya'll are my friends and fam, or at least know me personally, its hard to tell which one of ya'll are just being supportive by nugding me on, and which one of ya'll are actually reading, so from next week we're going to start having tests and exams on my blog topics ! Gotcha ! I Kid I Kid, I Joke I Joke, Thank you very much for your support, am loving it and loving you !

Blogging !!!!
Its the same story and scenario all over the globe, it don't matter where you're from or what language you speak, it don't matter what color you are or which God you worship, it don't even matter if you're a pygmy from Congo, or a giant from Germany, when you find yourself thinking of doing nasty things to your friend, while he or she only wants to love you as a sibling, you're in the world reknowned ''friend zone''. And i'll bet my heritage, majority of ya'll reading right now have been in this special place at least once in your lifetime, i know i have!

First logical question is, how the hell did i end up here ? I asked her out on a date, didn't i ? I held the door open at the bar, right ? Hey, i even held her bag for her while she put on her jacket ! I was a perfect gentleman all through the evening, i didn't even go in for the goodnight kiss, i just shook her hand and left. Now think, cassanova, scratch your head, bite your fingernails, clench ur fists, think doofus, think deep! Ding ! Flashbulb ! There you go, you were a 'perfect gentleman' all through the evening, see girls don't want perfect gentlemen, they want 'men', take off the gentle at the door, and stuff the perfect in your pocket. As usual, am going to only talk from a male's perspective, because its easier for me to talk about something that i have experienced and i can easily relate to, plus this is mostly a man's problem, am yet to meet a girl, thats stuck in a friendzone with a normal, straight, potent man with full functional anatomy.

A very long time ago i was in the friend zone for a couple of years, with a very good friend of mine, truth be told, i did tell her i was in lust with her, but by then it was too late, i was so much in that zone, that i was even friends with her boyfriend (somebody say Loser), and we all used to hang out together and even though i had no shortage of females, everytime i ran into her, my heart'll skip, God knows i tried everything, i mean, if i start listing some of the shit i tried and shes reading this, my phone is going to ring and i am going to get cursed out like a schoolboy that just messed up his sunday suit. I mean i knew it was't love cuz i didn't feel like killing the guy, so i held it together, saw movies like 'something about mary, are we there yet, and some lousy episodes of Friends' and i truly believed there was hope for me, damn hollywood with their make believe !

The most annoying part in my opinion is the mandatory talks you have with her, like you know when they have a fight, and she comes running to you and you're supposed to sit there, listen and be supportive and then your dumb ass probably say something like like 'you should dump him, he's an asshole' and she looks at you, and goes 'i can't, i will miss him too much, besides the sex is incredibly great' ! and then she cries some more and hugs your sorry ass.. hahaha, am sorry i just had to laugh at that image, it reminded me of someone...

Anyways we did hook up at last, me and my good friend(no further details people. sorry, i know you want to hear the juicy stuff but i live in the middle east, so discretion is advised), and yeah it was indeed worth the wait, now i don't know if it was my patience that paid off, or it was a 'Chris Rock: dick in a jar - break in time of need' moment for her, i honestly have no idea, am just glad she stopped calling me her brother cuz that shit was starting to freak me out ! I have no advice for you if you're stuck in the friend zone, male or female, straight or gay, i wish i did, cuz then if it worked, you would come back to my blog and read again, unfortunately i don't, but i do have some suggestions though...

1. Grab Something on your first date (if you're smart you'll figure it out)
2. Always go in for the goodnight kiss (even if you get slapped in return, your point has been made, wink wink)
3. Selection of Music (Khia - my neck my back, Kelis - milkshake, Juve - Back Dat Ass up, L.L Cook J - Doin it and my fave, Cam'ron - touch it or not) he/she should get the point !
4. Never Ever look away when the cleavage is in your face
5. READ MY BLOG before you head out ! let the words playback in your head, player !

With Love

A Saint & A Sinner

My Lady, Their Baby

Fellas !
Have you ever wondered what really goes on in the minds of the parents of your girlfriend, wife, fiance, hoe, booty-call, special friend, baby mama, partner and whatever else you call that woman you're seen with. I know it goes both ways, women have to deal with their boyfriend's or husband's mom too but then i can only speak from the point of a view of the male specie.

I know i am freaked out, matter of fact, if i call the house and the parent answers, if its the mom, i turn on my charm, you know, speak in a low voice, smile on the phone (like she can see my black ass), and use an accent, (yup, it always work, they think its cute and you're trying to fit in), and ask for my lady, their baby. Is she home, can i speak to her, all in very polite grammar. If its the dad, chances are i'll just mumble some shit, say wrong number and hang the fuck up ! What is it about parents and the men in their daughter's lives that just don't click, some lucky bastards actually seem to break that barrier, i mean i have seen boys sleeping over their girlfriend's place and her dad had a sword on display in the living room ! how can you go to sleep and snore, knowing down the hall, theres an old man with military training and experience, who i really doubt is happy you're putting in work on his baby girl ?!

You see, thats the point, even though shes all grown up now, filled out, looking as sexy as Eva Mendez in 'Training Day' (Give me a minute, let me reflect on that again)...........ok, am good.....and even though you let the whole world know, this is your lady, in the eyes of her papa and mama, shes still their baby, that cute little thing that used to wail into the early hours of the morning, keeping them up late at night, going to her first dance rehearsal, holding daddy's hands, and making him feel so proud and alive..... so, they might see her as a grown ass woman, but everytime they imagine your paws on her, in the words of Jadakiss, 'it could get ugly' !

At the end of the day, its all for protection, i've got sisters too and i think i can understand how a man feels the need to guide them from these men called jerks, and especially since they don't wanna see her hurt, they might take extreme measures to make sure you're not going to bring the pain like method man. Ain't gon lie, am not really praying for a daugther, but if God blesses me with one, then he better bless me with patience to deal with those little jerks coming around the house like - 'Good Evening sir, My name is Mike, and i would like to take your daughter to the dance tonight'...........Hmmm, no problem son, just let me get my gun !

With Love
A Saint & A Sinner

Arabic Hip Hop

As Salam Alaykum

All you islamophobic freaks, chill, thats not a call to arms or a cry for jihad, its merely a greeting, kinda similar to the medieval times 'i come in peace', only this when translated word for word means 'Peace be unto you'.

Am not really blogging today, more like am advertising, you got a problem with a brother trying to eat ? kiss my black ass ! haha.. i kid i kid, i clown, i clown..

Anyways, back to the topic of the day, when i first came to dubai about 10 yrs ago, Jarule'e Venni Vetti Vecci was in the making, and Jay's Hard Knock Life was almost done, i had 'money cash, hoes' on repeat so much so that my step mom had to learn the lyrics to DMX's entire verse ! You couldn't hear Hip Hop on the radio back then and clubs (yeah i used to sneak inwith my cousin Deen, i miss you cus!) would play 1 or 2 songs, but now its a different story, rap is heavy on these streets, yeah i said streets, not deserts, streets and i've lost track of all the superstars from the urban music genre that have performed here.

Enter Desert Heat, beyond the keeping it real of rapping in traditional clothes, and in arabic and not cussing [i think they deserve a grammy for that, i can't even say hi without cussing these days], they do bring heat 'no pun intended' and i memorized the chorus to one of their best songs 'Heila Heila' produced by FredWreck after hearing it twice, i know i mess up the words sometimes, but give a nigga a break, its in arabic !

I believe in this phenomenon, cuz thats what i think it is, you should give it a listen, if i tell you they're hot, you'll say its shameless publicity cuz i am heavily involved in this project, but the truth is, i trust the instincts and taste of some of you out there, and i can and will take all constructive criticism. My man, Dj Christu thinks the first single is 'praf', and thats a judgement i take seriously, so thats only going to make us work even harder, so next time, Christule is going to be thinking of a Chill Brothers Remix ! Ya Heard!! (www.desertheatarabia.com)

Desert Heat's Debut Album Is In Stores From October 1 Across The Middle East.

Re Up

Why would anyone be interested in my thoughts or words ? Perhaps long after am dead and gone, i would be deemed relevant. Who knows.. Who gives a fuck really. Even though i'll like to pretend and act like it doesn't matter whether you come back or not, deep down in my soul, i sure wish u do. busted ! there u go, confessions of a blogger.

I'm kind of new to this blogging shit, seems like fun, at the same stupid, like someones got too much time on their hands and decided to rant about anything or everything that gets their attention. Hey, i kid , i kid, i clown , i clown... You need to read, its good for you, its healthy.

So, please come back, don't be fooled by the 'trying to play it cool', you know i did it before, and it didn't really work, first time i saw my self on MTV, i was with some friends, and while they shrieked and screamed, oh my God 'Nai Nai' is in the Top 10! i just grinned and winked and laid back on the couch, but deep down inside, i knew 1.2 million people would see my face over and over again for the next 5-6 months and probably recognize me at the malls, clubs, and even school and then the butterflies did a dance in my stomach ! Shoot !
OH
MY
GOD !!!!!
AM ON T.V SONNNNN !

600 Days later and i still youtube and google myself. i know.. i know, vanity kills...pray for me.

The Declaration

*ugh ugh*
Clears Throat

Right... Velcome (Spoken Like A South Indian)
I Know Some Of Ya'll Actually Give A Shit About What I Think But Most Of Ya'll Don't.. Jury's Still Out On My Opinion On That. Anyways, I Tend To Type In Caps & Use 'Actually' A Lot, Ask My Friends, They Had To Get Used To It.

Vot Else ? Bloggingggggggg ! Now, Lets Get It On !