enO traP. rorriM ehT nI naM ehT

Wednesday, July 22nd.
Dubai, United Arab Emirates

Somewhere between Sharjah Gate & Al Qusais

I saw him from the 3rd floor, standing on the ground
tears running down his face, almost crying out loud
pain so intense he was oblivious to the crowd
shameless, but a brother is supposed to be proud.

He had a ladies appeal and a shy school boy smile
the type of man girls keep in their mind for a while
He was raised by women so he had a lot of their traits
the type to cook a good meal, make you empty your plates

He had that aura, something like a charming presence
confident he can reach into any woman's deepest essense
curious, he counted his sexual partners in a year, the ones he could remember
they were at about a hundred and fifty by the time he got to november

Ofcourse his friends idolized him and lived the same
weren't they all players, and wasn't this all a game ?
where's the harm, we love women and they love us back
bury emotions, you can't see the dirty nails if the gloves are black

Sensitive yet audacious, smart and funny, a practical joker
but could be very unpredictable like a tense game of poker
quick to make a good promise to earn your trust
slick enough to make you think you won when you lost

He has a fierce love for his mom but her love story was sad
blamed his dad but his ex'll swear to me he was just as bad
maybe even worse, cuz he admitted to cheating on her twice
and broke it off before she could make him pay the price

He winced when i asked if him if she was right
and confessed he left so he wouldn't lose the fight
whats the point he said, she'll never let me back in
am guilty as sin, filthy as a dirty bin

......My work phone rang, i turned to leave but he held me back.

I was getting bored so i told him I don't think a man should cry, its for babies, last time i cried was when i lost my sisters , so man up and pull yourself together. Please, no girl is worth crying over especially if shes out with some other guy right now having the time of her life.

Shhhh... he said and motioned to me to be quiet. Peace, Be Still !

Suddenly, his world stopped, no cars honking, the streets went quiet, even the wind ceased to blow, i smirked at first, trying to play along and then i heard it, faintly at first until it became louder, clearer, The sound of his damn heart breaking. The fatal crashing of a grown man into pieces.

Have you ever lost someone you loved?

I nodded my head, not trusting my own voice anymore, still looking at him strange.

He stared hard at me, his pupils replaced by big tear drops, forming together, gathering like the desert storm in the early hours of the morning, a giant wave about to engulf both of us.

Yes.. i finally said..

I lost her.. I woke up and she was gone. he mumbled, in between biting his lips and choking back sobs.

Have you tried talking to her, i asked.

Yes, She won't even see me, she's with someone else. He claims he loves her but i know he's lying. They just met, he's just taking advantage of her situation

I paused for a while, unsure of what to say next. I mean, i agreed with his theory to an extent, women are very vulnerable when fresh out of a break-up and men can sense that and move in with the right moves, right words, just being the opposite of everything their Ex was. But then, if you was Mr. Right, she wouldn't have left so now you have to compete with Mr Right Now.

Did she do right by you, i asked again ?

She was an angel, he replied. Everything i asked for and more.

Did you love her back ?

Not at first, i did later but then she said it was too late, and she had been seeing someone. But i was there for her he insisted, i was there on the front lines of every crisis she faced.

The words of Poarie came flooding in, so i sat down, next to him and said, You're probably not in love, just hurt at the fact that you've lost someone great that you cannot have back, not to mention the fact that you feel easily replaced, especially since she loved you so much and you didn't return it at first and now its too late.

Jealousy and rage have the same symptoms as love and heartbreak. You don't realize the value of something until you lose it, thats a very true fact. Its obvious you wouldn't cry over some whore, so clearly she was a great girl and now she's gone because of whatever atittude you showed or didn't show. You hate yourself for making the mistake and for slipping and letting her slide through your arms.

I felt like singing the words to R.Kelly's 'When a woman is fed up', in order to make my point. If indeed you love her as much as you're saying then she's making a mistake leaving you, but thats something you have to deal with because you're still the reason she's packed up, ready to walk out the door.

I wish i could tell you how to deal with a broken heart, or how to get over someone, the weight loss, despair, depression, loneliness, loss of apetite, apathy, insomnia, and that crushing pain in the pit of your stomach everything you see the shirt she got you, or hear her favorite song on the radio. But the truth is, you can never get over her if you truly loved her and if she really loved you, then she's not over you yet, and things might still work out.

Will you take her back ?

Yes, ofcourse !

Even after she sleeps with Mr Right Now?

......Yes, But she wouldn't. She's not like that he maintained.

The tears kept flowing so i tried a different tactic, to bribe him with a story i rarely share.

I lost a good woman too, i told him.. would you like to hear about it, maybe it'll help you feel better ?

He looked at me and said, nothing can make me feel better except death.

I had the impulse to search him there and then, just to make sure he wasn't hiding a knife in his pocket, I have my mom to look after, as far as am concerned, no one is worth dying for !

My work phone rings again, saved by the bell i thought. I jumped up to leave but he held me back and asked me the most difficult question i've ever had to answer in my adult life.

What would you do if you fell in love and got your heart broken the same day ?

To Be Continued....

BLACKOUT !

Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ! Its been 5 months since my last post ? ma bad..

consider this a post people.... in my words..

click on the link... http://blackoutmagazine.ro/magazines/nr7/ and if that don't work, then copy and paste in your browser..

Pace !

Slang Saturday

Hey ya’ll. Nice to write you again, or nice to read me again. Either i’m being very lazy or very creative, but i’ve decided to take you into our world today. Our here means ‘me and my friends’. Rather than bore you with another narrative of whats meant to be, or whats not, and all that bla bla talk about how relationships fail and stuff, i’ve decided to introduce a new segment called ‘Slang Saturday’.

You’ll finally be able to understand what we really mean when we say some words that seem to fly past your heads, and have you scrambling for a dictionary. Its not really ghetto or street, its just well.. different. English is English afterall, at the end of day, in the words of my friend from Belize, even the Queen of England has a funny accent. LOL

I might catch some heat for this post here, seriously, my life might be in danger after exposing some secrets here, so, i hope its worth it! enjoy

Whats good ? How are you ?

Bogdan Blue - Romanian Cop

Pump Away - (i) To have sex with a girl, with the sole purpose of ejaculating, not caring a bit if she’s enjoying it or not.
(ii) To be in a hurry to have sex that it turns into a fast paced marathon

Curtis - A friend you cannot trust, one that will sell you out.

Wide Target - A fat ugly chick, ready to settle for any man she can get because she is desperate

Fry Something - To make an omelette anytime of the day

Snoopy - (i) A very hot teenage chick that looks and dresses like a sexy lady.
(ii) A cute chick that’s well in her 20s but looks and dresses like a teenager
(iii) An easy girl, usually ready to have sex anytime of the day within short notice
(iv) A chick that likes Hip Hop music a lot, and loves hanging out with rappers
(v) A chick thats quite short, usually less than 5' ft.

Jar - A place where you keep girls you intend to get with in the future

Gmix - To take lyrics or poems and re-work them into a romantic sms to be sent to a chick..

KFC Money - Money made from concerts or shows, which is not plenty enough to put in the bank.

No Homo - A phrase used after a guy has said something that may sound gay to another guy.

She’s Fucking Hot - A Phrase used by a horny guy to every girl that passes on the street.

Brassiere Tops - A G-Unit clothing tank top

Gyeah - (i) An excited way of saying ‘Yes’

Undercover - Staying indoors for a long period of time, usually a couple of days

Crack - Prison Break

Rehab - Refusing to watch any new episodes of Prison Break

OG Triple OG - A respected member of society.

Harrassing Chicks - Trying to pick up girls from the streets, usually with very obnoxious lines.

Doru - A tough guy you call for back up in a fight.

Teren - An imaginary underworld boss.

Blud - A friend, homie, brother that you love and trust with your life.

Copy & Paste - Being exposed, or caught cheating through Yahoo Messenger.

Kicking it - Hanging out with a bunch of very good friends.

Word Life - Usually means, you’re telling the truth

Samantha - A girl/woman that likes to have sex

Na Gina Ooo - A white girl that likes nigerian men/women A LOT

See ya'll next week saturday. In the meantime, Pray for me !

Your's Sincerely

A Saint & A Sinner

Child of The Eighties !

Random Thoughts.... Moving On

Well, I am back. Ain’t nutting much to it really, I’ve just been so lazy that I couldn’t be bothered to hit the keypad. To those of you that missed me, am sorry, and to those of you that wish I never came back, well am sorry too, don't read, just delete !

I kind of thought it’ll be pretty cool to keep ya’ll waiting, you know, like to build the anticipation and all that, kind of like what Axl Rose is doing with that new album, and Dr.Dre with The Detox Project, only difference is, my black ass is probably going to be forgotten faster than you can say ‘flash’, so I had a genius idea, in order to stay relevant, I have to keep blogging.. Am not going to play that waiting game simply because i know I’ll lose, seeeeeee am honest !

I hate 2009 already, only because people keep telling me happy New Year, I think that phrase is over-used, how the fuck do you know it’s going to be a happy new year? wishing someone a happy new year is like wishing them luck for an exam you know they didn’t study for, good luck !, yeah I’ll need it ! And then you come out even dumber than you went in. What has changed in the first month of 2009, nada, for me at least, thats why am so glad I went to bed on new year’s eve, at 11 promptly and woke up the next morning to a text message from someone am not going to mention. What’s your new year’s resolution? Right! Well, that I can answer, it’s very simple and matter of fact I would love to talk about this.

My New Year’s resolution is NOT to have any more New Year resolutions. Fuck it!
when I was 7 weeks old, my new year’s resolution was to get out of my mom’s womb, claustrophobia setting in, I can’t breathe, am a celebrity in the making ,get me out of here !!
When I was 7 months old, I can’t really remember what my new year’s resolution was, I know it had something to do with breast-feeding... I’ll get back to that later.
When I was 7 years old, my new year’s resolution was to own a bike, every kid on the street had one, and those little bastards wouldn’t let me ride. My dad promised me, and I gave up asking when I was too old to ride the bike anyways. I have a plan to buy one and just give it to him as a gift, you know, reverse psychology and all that.

Now am 27 years old, and apart from meeting Barack Obama when he comes down to Dubai on official visit sometimes this year, I can’t think of anything else that I really want.
Now to the reality, there are some things am praying to change, grandpa in a nursing home, moms needs a bigger house, economic crisis, bla bla, everybody running around complaining about shit, some dude in Germany blew his brains out cus he lost some billions, that’s not supposed to be funny but I can’t help but lol, how the hell do u get depressed cuz you’re set back 5 billion dollars, that’s the annual budget of some African countries.

Moving on, and speaking of moving on, am at a point in my life where I have to move on too, and I can tell you it’s not a great feeling. Getting used to something or someone is similar to being addicted, driving in the warm comfort of your car while its -15 degrees outside on your way to work, now imagine having that car repossessed and your ass is back to waiting for the bus or the smelly tram, and those dumb ass ticket inspectors always have the nerve to issue a fine because you forgot to buy a ticket. Asshole, I haven’t been on a damn bus in 15 years!

Getting used to getting laid, every single night, and early in the morning too, you know you love to wake up in that cuddle, ignoring the foul odour coming out from both of your unbrushed teeth, you soak it in, oblivious to it, and proceed to have a very ‘good morning’, it gets you through the day, everyone on the road gets a smile. But now you have to grab ‘Palm Olivia’ and try to remember that scene from ‘Wild Things’ but Matt Dillon keeps getting in the way, so you abandon your mission in the middle of the action, mad at yourself, mad at your ex, mad at Dillon, and mad at the world. God help your co-workers and staff that day....

I used to scoff at alcoholics and junkies, and call them names, I tend to never ever sympathize with them, and I considered them weak, stupid and in most cases spoiled. How can you be addicted to harmful substances, toxic shit, you know it’ll harm your body. The same attitude I applied to love, whenever I see someone break down and threaten to commit suicide because a lover has bailed, I’ll be the one with the loud voice, yelling, ‘DON’T BE SUCH A PUSSY, GET UP, AND MOVE THE FUCK ON ! BE A MAN, ha-ha or like the Chinese say it ‘BEE A MEN’. It’s hard to imagine what the poor sucker is really going through, the foreseen loneliness, emptiness, presumed boredom and the crown of it all, un-doing everything you’ve done when you were used to having he or she around.

Now, you have to watch the movies alone, no one to laugh with or pause and argue with.
Now, you’ll have to eat dinners alone, set the table by yourself, clear the table by yourself, and do the dishes by yourself. No one to wash, while you dry and arrange.
Now, you’ll have to take those walks all alone, you might get lucky sometimes when a friend comes along, but depending on your gender, it’s not the same when you hold hands, or try to lean on their shoulder while you walk and talk. (Men don’t hold hands, that’s gay)

Most annoyingly, you have to stay friends, that’s a blessing as much as it’s a curse, being friends mean you still see each other, talk to each other, hang out, call, maybe even go out with your group of friends, and then when it’s time to call it a night, you know that time when you usually go for the long kiss, and molest yourselves in the elevator on the way to your apartment, kick the door open and tango right in the hallway, you have to settle for a short, light kiss and a hug (in most cases, her breasts will brush against you and you’ll hear the soldier’s command, ATTENTION!) hmm, Stand Down Sergeant.. Not tonight, the war is over, no more firing for you.

I moved on when I left the stage and the music industry, first partially and then I think completely, that was kind of easy for me and I’ll like to point out it was not a tough decision to make, the novelty wore off faster than I thought it would, the royalties were less than $100 a month, and it didn’t help that the competition was stiff. It’s hard to notice me in a music video when my co-star is a ‘sex symbol’, silicon or not, Anda Adam was kind of hot, she inspired many teenage boys over the years and still does to this day, those posters on the wall in little bogdan’s room are not to cover the holes in the wall, they have a higher hormonal purpose. And then there was my homie, label and tour mate, Mr Yamasha, dropping his album right before mine was supposed to be in stores, and unleashing a perfect six pack, biceps the size of a Dacia tyre and a hit single that caught the ladies attention. Oh yeah, am still the cute black boy, but now the fans have a choice? You want Mr Macho or Mr Negro. ( Don't worry Alex, am not jealous, am fucking proud of you 'frate')

Moving on from a relationship is much more different, am the type that gets stuck in the past, maybe because I believe everyone in my life has a purpose, and they are there for a reason, so it’s very hard for me to say ‘fuck off and die’. I have very few friends, and they’re not really friends but family, and I mean that in the black street life way not the Italian mafia way.

How do you move on when you’re only one of the spokes on the wheel?
How do you move on when you’re still at the traffic signal light, and its red! Danger ahead.
How do you move on when your heart is stuck in that timeless essence of love and life?
How do you move on when you’re still in pain and the open wounds haven’t healed?

Remember, am just rambling, these are but some random thoughts.... oh well, am moving on! See you on the next blog!

Yours Sincerely
A Saint & a Sinner