Well, I am back. Ain’t nutting much to it really, I’ve just been so lazy that I couldn’t be bothered to hit the keypad. To those of you that missed me, am sorry, and to those of you that wish I never came back, well am sorry too, don't read, just delete !
I kind of thought it’ll be pretty cool to keep ya’ll waiting, you know, like to build the anticipation and all that, kind of like what Axl Rose is doing with that new album, and Dr.Dre with The Detox Project, only difference is, my black ass is probably going to be forgotten faster than you can say ‘flash’, so I had a genius idea, in order to stay relevant, I have to keep blogging.. Am not going to play that waiting game simply because i know I’ll lose, seeeeeee am honest !
I hate 2009 already, only because people keep telling me happy New Year, I think that phrase is over-used, how the fuck do you know it’s going to be a happy new year? wishing someone a happy new year is like wishing them luck for an exam you know they didn’t study for, good luck !, yeah I’ll need it ! And then you come out even dumber than you went in. What has changed in the first month of 2009, nada, for me at least, thats why am so glad I went to bed on new year’s eve, at 11 promptly and woke up the next morning to a text message from someone am not going to mention. What’s your new year’s resolution? Right! Well, that I can answer, it’s very simple and matter of fact I would love to talk about this.
My New Year’s resolution is NOT to have any more New Year resolutions. Fuck it!
when I was 7 weeks old, my new year’s resolution was to get out of my mom’s womb, claustrophobia setting in, I can’t breathe, am a celebrity in the making ,get me out of here !!
When I was 7 months old, I can’t really remember what my new year’s resolution was, I know it had something to do with breast-feeding... I’ll get back to that later.
When I was 7 years old, my new year’s resolution was to own a bike, every kid on the street had one, and those little bastards wouldn’t let me ride. My dad promised me, and I gave up asking when I was too old to ride the bike anyways. I have a plan to buy one and just give it to him as a gift, you know, reverse psychology and all that.
Now am 27 years old, and apart from meeting Barack Obama when he comes down to Dubai on official visit sometimes this year, I can’t think of anything else that I really want.
Now to the reality, there are some things am praying to change, grandpa in a nursing home, moms needs a bigger house, economic crisis, bla bla, everybody running around complaining about shit, some dude in Germany blew his brains out cus he lost some billions, that’s not supposed to be funny but I can’t help but lol, how the hell do u get depressed cuz you’re set back 5 billion dollars, that’s the annual budget of some African countries.
Moving on, and speaking of moving on, am at a point in my life where I have to move on too, and I can tell you it’s not a great feeling. Getting used to something or someone is similar to being addicted, driving in the warm comfort of your car while its -15 degrees outside on your way to work, now imagine having that car repossessed and your ass is back to waiting for the bus or the smelly tram, and those dumb ass ticket inspectors always have the nerve to issue a fine because you forgot to buy a ticket. Asshole, I haven’t been on a damn bus in 15 years!
Getting used to getting laid, every single night, and early in the morning too, you know you love to wake up in that cuddle, ignoring the foul odour coming out from both of your unbrushed teeth, you soak it in, oblivious to it, and proceed to have a very ‘good morning’, it gets you through the day, everyone on the road gets a smile. But now you have to grab ‘Palm Olivia’ and try to remember that scene from ‘Wild Things’ but Matt Dillon keeps getting in the way, so you abandon your mission in the middle of the action, mad at yourself, mad at your ex, mad at Dillon, and mad at the world. God help your co-workers and staff that day....
I used to scoff at alcoholics and junkies, and call them names, I tend to never ever sympathize with them, and I considered them weak, stupid and in most cases spoiled. How can you be addicted to harmful substances, toxic shit, you know it’ll harm your body. The same attitude I applied to love, whenever I see someone break down and threaten to commit suicide because a lover has bailed, I’ll be the one with the loud voice, yelling, ‘DON’T BE SUCH A PUSSY, GET UP, AND MOVE THE FUCK ON ! BE A MAN, ha-ha or like the Chinese say it ‘BEE A MEN’. It’s hard to imagine what the poor sucker is really going through, the foreseen loneliness, emptiness, presumed boredom and the crown of it all, un-doing everything you’ve done when you were used to having he or she around.
Now, you have to watch the movies alone, no one to laugh with or pause and argue with.
Now, you’ll have to eat dinners alone, set the table by yourself, clear the table by yourself, and do the dishes by yourself. No one to wash, while you dry and arrange.
Now, you’ll have to take those walks all alone, you might get lucky sometimes when a friend comes along, but depending on your gender, it’s not the same when you hold hands, or try to lean on their shoulder while you walk and talk. (Men don’t hold hands, that’s gay)
Most annoyingly, you have to stay friends, that’s a blessing as much as it’s a curse, being friends mean you still see each other, talk to each other, hang out, call, maybe even go out with your group of friends, and then when it’s time to call it a night, you know that time when you usually go for the long kiss, and molest yourselves in the elevator on the way to your apartment, kick the door open and tango right in the hallway, you have to settle for a short, light kiss and a hug (in most cases, her breasts will brush against you and you’ll hear the soldier’s command, ATTENTION!) hmm, Stand Down Sergeant.. Not tonight, the war is over, no more firing for you.
I moved on when I left the stage and the music industry, first partially and then I think completely, that was kind of easy for me and I’ll like to point out it was not a tough decision to make, the novelty wore off faster than I thought it would, the royalties were less than $100 a month, and it didn’t help that the competition was stiff. It’s hard to notice me in a music video when my co-star is a ‘sex symbol’, silicon or not, Anda Adam was kind of hot, she inspired many teenage boys over the years and still does to this day, those posters on the wall in little bogdan’s room are not to cover the holes in the wall, they have a higher hormonal purpose. And then there was my homie, label and tour mate, Mr Yamasha, dropping his album right before mine was supposed to be in stores, and unleashing a perfect six pack, biceps the size of a Dacia tyre and a hit single that caught the ladies attention. Oh yeah, am still the cute black boy, but now the fans have a choice? You want Mr Macho or Mr Negro. ( Don't worry Alex, am not jealous, am fucking proud of you 'frate')
Moving on from a relationship is much more different, am the type that gets stuck in the past, maybe because I believe everyone in my life has a purpose, and they are there for a reason, so it’s very hard for me to say ‘fuck off and die’. I have very few friends, and they’re not really friends but family, and I mean that in the black street life way not the Italian mafia way.
How do you move on when you’re only one of the spokes on the wheel?
How do you move on when you’re still at the traffic signal light, and its red! Danger ahead.
How do you move on when your heart is stuck in that timeless essence of love and life?
How do you move on when you’re still in pain and the open wounds haven’t healed?
Remember, am just rambling, these are but some random thoughts.... oh well, am moving on! See you on the next blog!
Yours Sincerely
A Saint & a Sinner
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