80's Baby

enO traP. rorriM ehT nI naM ehT

2009-07-25T18:38:00.006+04:00

Wednesday, July 22nd.
Dubai, United Arab Emirates

Somewhere between Sharjah Gate & Al Qusais

I saw him from the 3rd floor, standing on the ground
tears running down his face, almost crying out loud
pain so intense he was oblivious to the crowd
shameless, but a brother is supposed to be proud.

He had a ladies appeal and a shy school boy smile
the type of man girls keep in their mind for a while
He was raised by women so he had a lot of their traits
the type to cook a good meal, make you empty your plates

He had that aura, something like a charming presence
confident he can reach into any woman's deepest essense
curious, he counted his sexual partners in a year, the ones he could remember
they were at about a hundred and fifty by the time he got to november

Ofcourse his friends idolized him and lived the same
weren't they all players, and wasn't this all a game ?
where's the harm, we love women and they love us back
bury emotions, you can't see the dirty nails if the gloves are black

Sensitive yet audacious, smart and funny, a practical joker
but could be very unpredictable like a tense game of poker
quick to make a good promise to earn your trust
slick enough to make you think you won when you lost

He has a fierce love for his mom but her love story was sad
blamed his dad but his ex'll swear to me he was just as bad
maybe even worse, cuz he admitted to cheating on her twice
and broke it off before she could make him pay the price

He winced when i asked if him if she was right
and confessed he left so he wouldn't lose the fight
whats the point he said, she'll never let me back in
am guilty as sin, filthy as a dirty bin

......My work phone rang, i turned to leave but he held me back.

I was getting bored so i told him I don't think a man should cry, its for babies, last time i cried was when i lost my sisters , so man up and pull yourself together. Please, no girl is worth crying over especially if shes out with some other guy right now having the time of her life.

Shhhh... he said and motioned to me to be quiet. Peace, Be Still !

Suddenly, his world stopped, no cars honking, the streets went quiet, even the wind ceased to blow, i smirked at first, trying to play along and then i heard it, faintly at first until it became louder, clearer, The sound of his damn heart breaking. The fatal crashing of a grown man into pieces.

Have you ever lost someone you loved?

I nodded my head, not trusting my own voice anymore, still looking at him strange.

He stared hard at me, his pupils replaced by big tear drops, forming together, gathering like the desert storm in the early hours of the morning, a giant wave about to engulf both of us.

Yes.. i finally said..

I lost her.. I woke up and she was gone. he mumbled, in between biting his lips and choking back sobs.

Have you tried talking to her, i asked.

Yes, She won't even see me, she's with someone else. He claims he loves her but i know he's lying. They just met, he's just taking advantage of her situation

I paused for a while, unsure of what to say next. I mean, i agreed with his theory to an extent, women are very vulnerable when fresh out of a break-up and men can sense that and move in with the right moves, right words, just being the opposite of everything their Ex was. But then, if you was Mr. Right, she wouldn't have left so now you have to compete with Mr Right Now.

Did she do right by you, i asked again ?

She was an angel, he replied. Everything i asked for and more.

Did you love her back ?

Not at first, i did later but then she said it was too late, and she had been seeing someone. But i was there for her he insisted, i was there on the front lines of every crisis she faced.

The words of Poarie came flooding in, so i sat down, next to him and said, You're probably not in love, just hurt at the fact that you've lost someone great that you cannot have back, not to mention the fact that you feel easily replaced, especially since she loved you so much and you didn't return it at first and now its too late.

Jealousy and rage have the same symptoms as love and heartbreak. You don't realize the value of something until you lose it, thats a very true fact. Its obvious you wouldn't cry over some whore, so clearly she was a great girl and now she's gone because of whatever atittude you showed or didn't show. You hate yourself for making the mistake and for slipping and letting her slide through your arms.

I felt like singing the words to R.Kelly's 'When a woman is fed up', in order to make my point. If indeed you love her as much as you're saying then she's making a mistake leaving you, but thats something you have to deal with because you're still the reason she's packed up, ready to walk out the door.

I wish i could tell you how to deal with a broken heart, or how to get over someone, the weight loss, despair, depression, loneliness, loss of apetite, apathy, insomnia, and that crushing pain in the pit of your stomach everything you see the shirt she got you, or hear her favorite song on the radio. But the truth is, you can never get over her if you truly loved her and if she really loved you, then she's not over you yet, and things might still work out.

Will you take her back ?

Yes, ofcourse !

Even after she sleeps with Mr Right Now?

......Yes, But she wouldn't. She's not like that he maintained.

The tears kept flowing so i tried a different tactic, to bribe him with a story i rarely share.

I lost a good woman too, i told him.. would you like to hear about it, maybe it'll help you feel better ?

He looked at me and said, nothing can make me feel better except death.

I had the impulse to search him there and then, just to make sure he wasn't hiding a knife in his pocket, I have my mom to look after, as far as am concerned, no one is worth dying for !

My work phone rings again, saved by the bell i thought. I jumped up to leave but he held me back and asked me the most difficult question i've ever had to answer in my adult life.

What would you do if you fell in love and got your heart broken the same day ?

To Be Continued....

BLACKOUT !

2009-06-29T19:28:00.004+04:00

Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ! Its been 5 months since my last post ? ma bad..

consider this a post people.... in my words..

click on the link... http://blackoutmagazine.ro/magazines/nr7/ and if that don't work, then copy and paste in your browser..

Pace !

Slang Saturday

2009-02-07T18:16:00.005+04:00

Hey ya’ll. Nice to write you again, or nice to read me again. Either i’m being very lazy or very creative, but i’ve decided to take you into our world today. Our here means ‘me and my friends’. Rather than bore you with another narrative of whats meant to be, or whats not, and all that bla bla talk about how relationships fail and stuff, i’ve decided to introduce a new segment called ‘Slang Saturday’.

You’ll finally be able to understand what we really mean when we say some words that seem to fly past your heads, and have you scrambling for a dictionary. Its not really ghetto or street, its just well.. different. English is English afterall, at the end of day, in the words of my friend from Belize, even the Queen of England has a funny accent. LOL

I might catch some heat for this post here, seriously, my life might be in danger after exposing some secrets here, so, i hope its worth it! enjoy

Whats good ? How are you ?

Bogdan Blue - Romanian Cop

Pump Away - (i) To have sex with a girl, with the sole purpose of ejaculating, not caring a bit if she’s enjoying it or not.
(ii) To be in a hurry to have sex that it turns into a fast paced marathon

Curtis - A friend you cannot trust, one that will sell you out.

Wide Target - A fat ugly chick, ready to settle for any man she can get because she is desperate

Fry Something - To make an omelette anytime of the day

Snoopy - (i) A very hot teenage chick that looks and dresses like a sexy lady.
(ii) A cute chick that’s well in her 20s but looks and dresses like a teenager
(iii) An easy girl, usually ready to have sex anytime of the day within short notice
(iv) A chick that likes Hip Hop music a lot, and loves hanging out with rappers
(v) A chick thats quite short, usually less than 5' ft.

Jar - A place where you keep girls you intend to get with in the future

Gmix - To take lyrics or poems and re-work them into a romantic sms to be sent to a chick..

KFC Money - Money made from concerts or shows, which is not plenty enough to put in the bank.

No Homo - A phrase used after a guy has said something that may sound gay to another guy.

She’s Fucking Hot - A Phrase used by a horny guy to every girl that passes on the street.

Brassiere Tops - A G-Unit clothing tank top

Gyeah - (i) An excited way of saying ‘Yes’

Undercover - Staying indoors for a long period of time, usually a couple of days

Crack - Prison Break

Rehab - Refusing to watch any new episodes of Prison Break

OG Triple OG - A respected member of society.

Harrassing Chicks - Trying to pick up girls from the streets, usually with very obnoxious lines.

Doru - A tough guy you call for back up in a fight.

Teren - An imaginary underworld boss.

Blud - A friend, homie, brother that you love and trust with your life.

Copy & Paste - Being exposed, or caught cheating through Yahoo Messenger.

Kicking it - Hanging out with a bunch of very good friends.

Word Life - Usually means, you’re telling the truth

Samantha - A girl/woman that likes to have sex

Na Gina Ooo - A white girl that likes nigerian men/women A LOT

See ya'll next week saturday. In the meantime, Pray for me !

Your's Sincerely

A Saint & A Sinner

Child of The Eighties !

Random Thoughts.... Moving On

2009-01-24T15:56:00.004+04:00

Well, I am back. Ain’t nutting much to it really, I’ve just been so lazy that I couldn’t be bothered to hit the keypad. To those of you that missed me, am sorry, and to those of you that wish I never came back, well am sorry too, don't read, just delete !

I kind of thought it’ll be pretty cool to keep ya’ll waiting, you know, like to build the anticipation and all that, kind of like what Axl Rose is doing with that new album, and Dr.Dre with The Detox Project, only difference is, my black ass is probably going to be forgotten faster than you can say ‘flash’, so I had a genius idea, in order to stay relevant, I have to keep blogging.. Am not going to play that waiting game simply because i know I’ll lose, seeeeeee am honest !

I hate 2009 already, only because people keep telling me happy New Year, I think that phrase is over-used, how the fuck do you know it’s going to be a happy new year? wishing someone a happy new year is like wishing them luck for an exam you know they didn’t study for, good luck !, yeah I’ll need it ! And then you come out even dumber than you went in. What has changed in the first month of 2009, nada, for me at least, thats why am so glad I went to bed on new year’s eve, at 11 promptly and woke up the next morning to a text message from someone am not going to mention. What’s your new year’s resolution? Right! Well, that I can answer, it’s very simple and matter of fact I would love to talk about this.

My New Year’s resolution is NOT to have any more New Year resolutions. Fuck it!
when I was 7 weeks old, my new year’s resolution was to get out of my mom’s womb, claustrophobia setting in, I can’t breathe, am a celebrity in the making ,get me out of here !!
When I was 7 months old, I can’t really remember what my new year’s resolution was, I know it had something to do with breast-feeding... I’ll get back to that later.
When I was 7 years old, my new year’s resolution was to own a bike, every kid on the street had one, and those little bastards wouldn’t let me ride. My dad promised me, and I gave up asking when I was too old to ride the bike anyways. I have a plan to buy one and just give it to him as a gift, you know, reverse psychology and all that.

Now am 27 years old, and apart from meeting Barack Obama when he comes down to Dubai on official visit sometimes this year, I can’t think of anything else that I really want.
Now to the reality, there are some things am praying to change, grandpa in a nursing home, moms needs a bigger house, economic crisis, bla bla, everybody running around complaining about shit, some dude in Germany blew his brains out cus he lost some billions, that’s not supposed to be funny but I can’t help but lol, how the hell do u get depressed cuz you’re set back 5 billion dollars, that’s the annual budget of some African countries.

Moving on, and speaking of moving on, am at a point in my life where I have to move on too, and I can tell you it’s not a great feeling. Getting used to something or someone is similar to being addicted, driving in the warm comfort of your car while its -15 degrees outside on your way to work, now imagine having that car repossessed and your ass is back to waiting for the bus or the smelly tram, and those dumb ass ticket inspectors always have the nerve to issue a fine because you forgot to buy a ticket. Asshole, I haven’t been on a damn bus in 15 years!

Getting used to getting laid, every single night, and early in the morning too, you know you love to wake up in that cuddle, ignoring the foul odour coming out from both of your unbrushed teeth, you soak it in, oblivious to it, and proceed to have a very ‘good morning’, it gets you through the day, everyone on the road gets a smile. But now you have to grab ‘Palm Olivia’ and try to remember that scene from ‘Wild Things’ but Matt Dillon keeps getting in the way, so you abandon your mission in the middle of the action, mad at yourself, mad at your ex, mad at Dillon, and mad at the world. God help your co-workers and staff that day....

I used to scoff at alcoholics and junkies, and call them names, I tend to never ever sympathize with them, and I considered them weak, stupid and in most cases spoiled. How can you be addicted to harmful substances, toxic shit, you know it’ll harm your body. The same attitude I applied to love, whenever I see someone break down and threaten to commit suicide because a lover has bailed, I’ll be the one with the loud voice, yelling, ‘DON’T BE SUCH A PUSSY, GET UP, AND MOVE THE FUCK ON ! BE A MAN, ha-ha or like the Chinese say it ‘BEE A MEN’. It’s hard to imagine what the poor sucker is really going through, the foreseen loneliness, emptiness, presumed boredom and the crown of it all, un-doing everything you’ve done when you were used to having he or she around.

Now, you have to watch the movies alone, no one to laugh with or pause and argue with.
Now, you’ll have to eat dinners alone, set the table by yourself, clear the table by yourself, and do the dishes by yourself. No one to wash, while you dry and arrange.
Now, you’ll have to take those walks all alone, you might get lucky sometimes when a friend comes along, but depending on your gender, it’s not the same when you hold hands, or try to lean on their shoulder while you walk and talk. (Men don’t hold hands, that’s gay)

Most annoyingly, you have to stay friends, that’s a blessing as much as it’s a curse, being friends mean you still see each other, talk to each other, hang out, call, maybe even go out with your group of friends, and then when it’s time to call it a night, you know that time when you usually go for the long kiss, and molest yourselves in the elevator on the way to your apartment, kick the door open and tango right in the hallway, you have to settle for a short, light kiss and a hug (in most cases, her breasts will brush against you and you’ll hear the soldier’s command, ATTENTION!) hmm, Stand Down Sergeant.. Not tonight, the war is over, no more firing for you.

I moved on when I left the stage and the music industry, first partially and then I think completely, that was kind of easy for me and I’ll like to point out it was not a tough decision to make, the novelty wore off faster than I thought it would, the royalties were less than $100 a month, and it didn’t help that the competition was stiff. It’s hard to notice me in a music video when my co-star is a ‘sex symbol’, silicon or not, Anda Adam was kind of hot, she inspired many teenage boys over the years and still does to this day, those posters on the wall in little bogdan’s room are not to cover the holes in the wall, they have a higher hormonal purpose. And then there was my homie, label and tour mate, Mr Yamasha, dropping his album right before mine was supposed to be in stores, and unleashing a perfect six pack, biceps the size of a Dacia tyre and a hit single that caught the ladies attention. Oh yeah, am still the cute black boy, but now the fans have a choice? You want Mr Macho or Mr Negro. ( Don't worry Alex, am not jealous, am fucking proud of you 'frate')

Moving on from a relationship is much more different, am the type that gets stuck in the past, maybe because I believe everyone in my life has a purpose, and they are there for a reason, so it’s very hard for me to say ‘fuck off and die’. I have very few friends, and they’re not really friends but family, and I mean that in the black street life way not the Italian mafia way.

How do you move on when you’re only one of the spokes on the wheel?
How do you move on when you’re still at the traffic signal light, and its red! Danger ahead.
How do you move on when your heart is stuck in that timeless essence of love and life?
How do you move on when you’re still in pain and the open wounds haven’t healed?

Remember, am just rambling, these are but some random thoughts.... oh well, am moving on! See you on the next blog!

Yours Sincerely
A Saint & a Sinner

The Break Down of Break Ups

2008-10-30T15:00:00.006+04:00

Prologue

First of all, my apologies are in order to my readers and the others. Especially those ones that glance through looking for some profanity and a catch phrase, you know who you are. But most of all to the dedicated followers I love ya'll too. keep coming back. Not a lot has changed since the last time we met, Nana is still feeling the age, moms is still praying for my soul, desert heat is still in stores, Barack Obama is still kicking ass, John McCain is still in Pain, Dubai is still hot, Natalie Portman is still on fire and my face is still black !

Am trying to stay off the relationship blogs, you know the boy-girl talk, but its damn hard to do, cuz these days men can't seem to get it right and women seem intent on staying single.

It is true that recently, i have beeen totally uninspired, but to borrow the phrase of Sacalici, i have found ''perfection in my imperfection''.. So, that being said, i am back, open your arms, and take me in, this here is the return of the blogger !!
___________________________________________________________________

The warning signs are pretty much the same, for most couples at least, don't let all these bullshit T.V shows fool you, Oprah is a liar, tell her i said so, ''i kid i kid i joke i joke''and Dr Phil, Ellen, Tyra, Teo, all those couch sitting, story telling hosts that invite some dumb ass to sit next to them and cry when everybody claps always piss me off. They always ask the same stupid question,
So what do you think happened ? How did that make you feel ? I just can't wait for the day, someone'll answer and say ''what i think happened is i slipped, bumped my head, and lost my mind and it makes me feel like i should kick you in the face till your make up runs red !

My parents seperated unofficially when i was 5 months old, my dad married a second wife, by the time i was 10, the split was kind of official, so everytime i run into some idiot that thinks he/she knows it all, they'll ask me how it has affected my relationship. Am fine, fuck you. Anytime i hear of some long term couple breaking up, i shudder, how do u go on after 5 years with someone ? You'll be so used to having that person around, eating, sleeping, talking, walking together and then suddenly ur alone. I would lose my mind if that happened to me, i would dress up my pillow, put her perfume on it, and name it after her. Come dinner time, it'll be, honey, come down to eat ! don't spill sauce on ur cover, you know you're wearing it to bed !

What leads to a break up in a perfect relationship ? Now, am not talking about the tramp you love and whos fucking everyone but you, cheating on your ass so much that even in bed when you're having sex, she imagines you're someone else and calls his name out, loud ! oopss

We're not talking about that dude that always has to 'go' right after he 'comes'

And am not talking about celebrity couples, hollywood hook-ups, its all for the photo op and publicity, like you really think Jay Z is gonna grow old with Beyonce, pleeeasee.. after it dies down, they move on. its part of the deal, read the contract !

Am talking about that real love, where everything is perfect, and then gradually, the cracks start appearing, the arguements, the fights, the misunderstandings, the silence, widening, sucking both of you into the darkness until finally someone explodes. You know its over because you stay out longer rather than return home, but you can't explain why. Are all relationships doomed ? Do they have a lifespan and does it vary from couple to couple ? Or it depends on the people involved, people always say opposites attract, is that the secret to a long lasting r/ship ?
Like a jamaican dating an accountant (baby lets get high: Noo, i have to balance this sheet) or a banker dating a gypsy (I brought you some gifts but i can't find them ? Oh they're for me, am sorry baby, i already stole them)
And then it all comes down to, he changed/she changed - hes a jerk/shes a bitch - he doesn't talk at all/she talks too much., he snores/she walks in her sleep with a knife in her hand !

And even though you're certain, you don't wanna let go because he/she is the 'one' and you might spend the rest of your natural life being miserable if you break up, at that point in time, you still go ahead, and slam the door and walk out, not looking back, head all heavy, shoulders falling down, seeking a new start, and making plans, thinking about what you're going to do with your freedom, ignoring temporarily the price you will pay for it. (Your hands will suffer).

Your's Sincerly
A Saint & A Sinner

Love or Lust @ First Sight

2008-10-10T19:43:00.008+04:00

Its been a while since my last blog post, i do admit i’ve been kind of lazy these days plus i was walking through my own personal hell, without the devil as a guide so i wandered like a lost soul on the way to redemption. But anyways, am back, so sit back, adjust your monitor, dim the lights in the room, recline your seat all the way to the back, re-fill your cup and settle down to enjoy another episode of the 80’s Baby.

When in the presence of a member of the opposite sex that you find Hot, cute,, attractive sexy-as-a-motherfucker or all of the above, The feelings are all too familiar, butterflies in the stomach, weakness in the knees, glazing of the eyes and even in some extreme cases, dizziness, (yea some people may faint or pass out) fucking weirdos !

Am not going to quote numbers or polls but I’ll bet if you ask 100 men about the first thing they notice in a woman, 95% of the answers you’ll get will be those 2 magic words ‘Tits & Ass’. They might take it back, especially after you raise an eyebrow or sharply rebuke them and give them a look that implies ‘come on man, are you so vain’? whatever comes next is just an after thought, i can assure you, the truth has been spoken, write it down ! But don’t be alarmed fellas, at least 90 % of ladies will tell you the first thing they notice in a man is his ‘Build & Height’ and if the man was standing butt naked, 100% will notice his lil' soldier first before the color of his eyes.

There are girls that’ll comment on this blog and protest but i can prove it, show me a beautiful woman that is in love with a short, fat, bald and broke man and i might change my opinion. So, how do you fall in love at first sight? Is that really correct, if the first thing you notice about someone is their physical attractiveness, which implies sexuality, that naturally means, first time you set your eyes on them, your mind did the nasty. You don’t notice someone’s personality across the room standing in a corner, but you notice the broadness of his shoulders or the size of her bra, you notice the length of his trousers or the size of her thong (at least you can guess and if you don’t nail it, you would be very close). Is that love or lust ?

I truly will be checking my comments because i am curios on how ya’ll define it. As usual speaking from a guy’s perspective, it is lust, because you don’t want to hold hands and go to the gallery with tits & ass , you want to be indoors, praying it keeps raining outside, phone right by your bed to keep ordering food, and all alone in a dark room with tits & ass. So from the moment you set your eyes on her, everything happens in seconds, you start growing a third leg suddenly, and your lips go dry. This, you horny bastard, is not the feelings of love at first sight, this is pure lust.

Ladies’ll pretend like they got it under control, even if their heart rate does double right after setting eyes on ‘The Man’ and even if within 2 minutes they have married him, had his first baby, and are carrying his second in their mind, day dreaming while wide awake, she’ll still roll her eyes and play it cool because as per rules of society, a woman can’t just go ahead and lust, not if she wants to keep her good name at least, i know a couple of girls that don’t give a fuck, and would tell you, its a free world, true...true, i agree but that's really up to you to decide if you want to be known as a slut or as a good girl. Regardless, the truth is ma'm those feelings are not the symptoms of love at first sight, but pure raw lust.

So do we love @ first sight or do we lust @ first sight? Can you tell the difference? Or can you prove being attracted to someone physically is not the prelude to being attracted to them sexually? I sincerely doubt this, every odd couple you meet (hot wife & ugly husband, cute husband & ugly wife) will always tell you it happened after they got to know each other better, they got to talk, to walk, to try to make it work . I've been here 2.5 decades and i have never seen or met an ordinary ugly ass dude married to a super model or universally accepted hot woman after they fell in love at first sight and don’t you dare mention SEAL and Heidi Klum because that doesn’t count. Why? The man is a millionaire, multi platinum selling artist and a Grammy Winner, he’s far from ordinary and with a voice like that, he doesn’t need the looks or the books on sex, he can sing to her in the dark and she’ll probably orgasm. Go figure !

Your’s Sincerely
A Saint & A Sinner

Family Reunion

2008-10-01T17:02:00.003+04:00

What is it that we all have in common apart from ‘friend zones, prison break, and halle berry ? Family Reunions – that unavoidable day, brought upon us all by some special occasion, ritual, or tradition. I know us black folks have it worse than most of the other races because we normally have at LEAST 200 immediate family members and 500 extended family members. I dare you to doubt me, and i’ll furnish you with details of my own family which is not even considered large by African standards, my grandpa was a rabbit and a horse all together i guess, how else can you explain over 15 uncles and 25 aunts, (you have to multiple that by 5), thats just the official no.

So, its Easter, or Eid, or Christmas, or Thanksgiving, or Anniversary or a Wedding or a Funeral or Baptism or Graduation and preparations are in full swing, food and drinks are bought, the cake has been ordered, the living room and/or garden has been cleared to make more room, the kitchen laid out to look like a mess hall in the army barracks, and the night before you had considered all your options and brainstormed on how you could simply miss this day. You thought about a trip but your parents quickly shot you down ‘you can leave tomorrow evening, with your uncle and aunt’, then you thought about having an accident, falling down the stairs and breaking your leg but you don’t wanna be in a cast for weeks or months, then you thought of running away from home, but then you don’t want 120 family members walking around the neighbourhood putting up posters and flyers with the ugliest picture they could find of you, as you got more desperate, you asked yourself the ultimate question – is it worth dying for ? definitely not, 24 hours can’t equal eternity....... or at least so you believed, you’re in for a shock !

The first to arrive are usually the ones who live the farthest away, you know those ones you see once a year and you actually missed a little, they bring gifts, their cute little kids, albeit a year older, and you smile to yourself and say, it’s not that bad after all. Next to arrive, your maternal uncle and aunt that your dad can’t stand, and as if fate loves games, right after them, comes your paternal aunt that your mom can’t stand, you know the one that thinks your dad made a terrible mistake marrying your mom and should have married her friend instead, the smiles fade to frowns in seconds, and she immediately comments on your moms flowers, hair, cooking, home arrangement, design or dress and gets a nice tight response from her. It’s On !

The house gets packed, the little cousins, nephews, nieces, all up in your room, destroying everything in sight, damaging anything that looks expensive and ignoring the cheap stuff, makes you feel like those little bastards are on a mission. You yell at them, they scream, and run to their mom in tears only to be back after 15 minutes to spill some juice over your laptop and touch the screen with chocolate stained fingers. You lose count of the faces, and then the compliments begin, then the arguements, and finally the bragging. This is usually saved for when everyone is gathered at the table to eat, the loud mouth aunt usually goes first.

Aunt Big Mouth – We bought a new car again, it’s the new model, just launched in the market this year, it was a special order from germany.
Aunt Bigger Mouth – We bought a new house, right on the hill, we don’t need cars, we have 5 already, we're thinking of building a mall now.
Aunt Biggest Mouth – Am running for Mayor, i think it’s time, everyone is begging me to do it, and am way hotter than Sarah Palin !
Uncle Loser – I’m looking for a new job, those assholes fired me for having a little drink in the morning.
Uncle Big Shot – Am getting transferred to head the office in Dubai, but i don’t want to go, i want to be close to all of you
Everybody almost at the same – We haven’t seen you in 4 years, stop lying !
Cousin Trouble – Can i leave ? my friends are waiting outside, i’ve got something to do
Cousin Sexy – I can’t eat this, am going to get fat !
Grandma – Looks around the table confused, ......Where is Grandpa (he passed away 5 years ago)
You - Can you all please just shut the fuck up !? ( in your mind ofcourse)

And on and on it goes, but between the laughs and the jeers, the smiles and frowns, the news and the gossips, the updates and the post dates, the hugs and the kisses, the trips to the kitchen and bathroom - on load the food/ off load the food, and especially the noise and the sudden silence when a lost one is remembered, you realize there is no place else you’ll rather be on that given Sunday.

You love them, you hate them, you’ve missed them but you can’t wait for them to leave. And then they go just like they came, one after the other, slowly, stopping by the kitchen to stuff some more cakes in paper bags, drinks under their arms, your nephews and nieces on their shoulders sleeping, yawning, complaining about work the next day, you walk them all to the door, to the car, order the taxis, and say your goodbyes and as you shut the door for the last time that night, you peep into the kitchen, see the dirty dishes piled up and once again for the second time in 48hours, you contemplate suicide.

Your’s Sincerly
A Saint & A Sinner

The Friend Zone (Part 1)

2008-09-28T18:46:00.005+04:00

So, i got a lot of feedback from a lot of people, and everyone seemed to like my blog, since most of ya'll are my friends and fam, or at least know me personally, its hard to tell which one of ya'll are just being supportive by nugding me on, and which one of ya'll are actually reading, so from next week we're going to start having tests and exams on my blog topics ! Gotcha ! I Kid I Kid, I Joke I Joke, Thank you very much for your support, am loving it and loving you !

Blogging !!!!
Its the same story and scenario all over the globe, it don't matter where you're from or what language you speak, it don't matter what color you are or which God you worship, it don't even matter if you're a pygmy from Congo, or a giant from Germany, when you find yourself thinking of doing nasty things to your friend, while he or she only wants to love you as a sibling, you're in the world reknowned ''friend zone''. And i'll bet my heritage, majority of ya'll reading right now have been in this special place at least once in your lifetime, i know i have!

First logical question is, how the hell did i end up here ? I asked her out on a date, didn't i ? I held the door open at the bar, right ? Hey, i even held her bag for her while she put on her jacket ! I was a perfect gentleman all through the evening, i didn't even go in for the goodnight kiss, i just shook her hand and left. Now think, cassanova, scratch your head, bite your fingernails, clench ur fists, think doofus, think deep! Ding ! Flashbulb ! There you go, you were a 'perfect gentleman' all through the evening, see girls don't want perfect gentlemen, they want 'men', take off the gentle at the door, and stuff the perfect in your pocket. As usual, am going to only talk from a male's perspective, because its easier for me to talk about something that i have experienced and i can easily relate to, plus this is mostly a man's problem, am yet to meet a girl, thats stuck in a friendzone with a normal, straight, potent man with full functional anatomy.

A very long time ago i was in the friend zone for a couple of years, with a very good friend of mine, truth be told, i did tell her i was in lust with her, but by then it was too late, i was so much in that zone, that i was even friends with her boyfriend (somebody say Loser), and we all used to hang out together and even though i had no shortage of females, everytime i ran into her, my heart'll skip, God knows i tried everything, i mean, if i start listing some of the shit i tried and shes reading this, my phone is going to ring and i am going to get cursed out like a schoolboy that just messed up his sunday suit. I mean i knew it was't love cuz i didn't feel like killing the guy, so i held it together, saw movies like 'something about mary, are we there yet, and some lousy episodes of Friends' and i truly believed there was hope for me, damn hollywood with their make believe !

The most annoying part in my opinion is the mandatory talks you have with her, like you know when they have a fight, and she comes running to you and you're supposed to sit there, listen and be supportive and then your dumb ass probably say something like like 'you should dump him, he's an asshole' and she looks at you, and goes 'i can't, i will miss him too much, besides the sex is incredibly great' ! and then she cries some more and hugs your sorry ass.. hahaha, am sorry i just had to laugh at that image, it reminded me of someone...

Anyways we did hook up at last, me and my good friend(no further details people. sorry, i know you want to hear the juicy stuff but i live in the middle east, so discretion is advised), and yeah it was indeed worth the wait, now i don't know if it was my patience that paid off, or it was a 'Chris Rock: dick in a jar - break in time of need' moment for her, i honestly have no idea, am just glad she stopped calling me her brother cuz that shit was starting to freak me out ! I have no advice for you if you're stuck in the friend zone, male or female, straight or gay, i wish i did, cuz then if it worked, you would come back to my blog and read again, unfortunately i don't, but i do have some suggestions though...

Grab Something on your first date (if you're smart you'll figure it out)
Always go in for the goodnight kiss (even if you get slapped in return, your point has been made, wink wink)
Selection of Music (Khia - my neck my back, Kelis - milkshake, Juve - Back Dat Ass up, L.L Cook J - Doin it and my fave, Cam'ron - touch it or not) he/she should get the point !
Never Ever look away when the cleavage is in your face
READ MY BLOG before you head out ! let the words playback in your head, player !

With Love

A Saint & A Sinner

My Lady, Their Baby

2008-09-27T20:20:00.002+04:00

Fellas !
Have you ever wondered what really goes on in the minds of the parents of your girlfriend, wife, fiance, hoe, booty-call, special friend, baby mama, partner and whatever else you call that woman you're seen with. I know it goes both ways, women have to deal with their boyfriend's or husband's mom too but then i can only speak from the point of a view of the male specie.

I know i am freaked out, matter of fact, if i call the house and the parent answers, if its the mom, i turn on my charm, you know, speak in a low voice, smile on the phone (like she can see my black ass), and use an accent, (yup, it always work, they think its cute and you're trying to fit in), and ask for my lady, their baby. Is she home, can i speak to her, all in very polite grammar. If its the dad, chances are i'll just mumble some shit, say wrong number and hang the fuck up ! What is it about parents and the men in their daughter's lives that just don't click, some lucky bastards actually seem to break that barrier, i mean i have seen boys sleeping over their girlfriend's place and her dad had a sword on display in the living room ! how can you go to sleep and snore, knowing down the hall, theres an old man with military training and experience, who i really doubt is happy you're putting in work on his baby girl ?!

You see, thats the point, even though shes all grown up now, filled out, looking as sexy as Eva Mendez in 'Training Day' (Give me a minute, let me reflect on that again)...........ok, am good.....and even though you let the whole world know, this is your lady, in the eyes of her papa and mama, shes still their baby, that cute little thing that used to wail into the early hours of the morning, keeping them up late at night, going to her first dance rehearsal, holding daddy's hands, and making him feel so proud and alive..... so, they might see her as a grown ass woman, but everytime they imagine your paws on her, in the words of Jadakiss, 'it could get ugly' !

At the end of the day, its all for protection, i've got sisters too and i think i can understand how a man feels the need to guide them from these men called jerks, and especially since they don't wanna see her hurt, they might take extreme measures to make sure you're not going to bring the pain like method man. Ain't gon lie, am not really praying for a daugther, but if God blesses me with one, then he better bless me with patience to deal with those little jerks coming around the house like - 'Good Evening sir, My name is Mike, and i would like to take your daughter to the dance tonight'...........Hmmm, no problem son, just let me get my gun !

With Love
A Saint & A Sinner

Arabic Hip Hop

2008-09-26T21:38:00.007+04:00

As Salam Alaykum

All you islamophobic freaks, chill, thats not a call to arms or a cry for jihad, its merely a greeting, kinda similar to the medieval times 'i come in peace', only this when translated word for word means 'Peace be unto you'.

Am not really blogging today, more like am advertising, you got a problem with a brother trying to eat ? kiss my black ass ! haha.. i kid i kid, i clown, i clown..

Anyways, back to the topic of the day, when i first came to dubai about 10 yrs ago, Jarule'e Venni Vetti Vecci was in the making, and Jay's Hard Knock Life was almost done, i had 'money cash, hoes' on repeat so much so that my step mom had to learn the lyrics to DMX's entire verse ! You couldn't hear Hip Hop on the radio back then and clubs (yeah i used to sneak inwith my cousin Deen, i miss you cus!) would play 1 or 2 songs, but now its a different story, rap is heavy on these streets, yeah i said streets, not deserts, streets and i've lost track of all the superstars from the urban music genre that have performed here.

Enter Desert Heat, beyond the keeping it real of rapping in traditional clothes, and in arabic and not cussing [i think they deserve a grammy for that, i can't even say hi without cussing these days], they do bring heat 'no pun intended' and i memorized the chorus to one of their best songs 'Heila Heila' produced by FredWreck after hearing it twice, i know i mess up the words sometimes, but give a nigga a break, its in arabic !

I believe in this phenomenon, cuz thats what i think it is, you should give it a listen, if i tell you they're hot, you'll say its shameless publicity cuz i am heavily involved in this project, but the truth is, i trust the instincts and taste of some of you out there, and i can and will take all constructive criticism. My man, Dj Christu thinks the first single is 'praf', and thats a judgement i take seriously, so thats only going to make us work even harder, so next time, Christule is going to be thinking of a Chill Brothers Remix ! Ya Heard!! (www.desertheatarabia.com)

Desert Heat's Debut Album Is In Stores From October 1 Across The Middle East.

Re Up

2008-09-26T01:58:00.002+04:00

Why would anyone be interested in my thoughts or words ? Perhaps long after am dead and gone, i would be deemed relevant. Who knows.. Who gives a fuck really. Even though i'll like to pretend and act like it doesn't matter whether you come back or not, deep down in my soul, i sure wish u do. busted ! there u go, confessions of a blogger.

I'm kind of new to this blogging shit, seems like fun, at the same stupid, like someones got too much time on their hands and decided to rant about anything or everything that gets their attention. Hey, i kid , i kid, i clown , i clown... You need to read, its good for you, its healthy.

So, please come back, don't be fooled by the 'trying to play it cool', you know i did it before, and it didn't really work, first time i saw my self on MTV, i was with some friends, and while they shrieked and screamed, oh my God 'Nai Nai' is in the Top 10! i just grinned and winked and laid back on the couch, but deep down inside, i knew 1.2 million people would see my face over and over again for the next 5-6 months and probably recognize me at the malls, clubs, and even school and then the butterflies did a dance in my stomach ! Shoot !
OH
MY
GOD !!!!!
AM ON T.V SONNNNN !

600 Days later and i still youtube and google myself. i know.. i know, vanity kills...pray for me.

The Declaration

2008-09-25T14:45:00.013+04:00

*ugh ugh*
Clears Throat

Right... Velcome (Spoken Like A South Indian)
I Know Some Of Ya'll Actually Give A Shit About What I Think But Most Of Ya'll Don't.. Jury's Still Out On My Opinion On That. Anyways, I Tend To Type In Caps & Use 'Actually' A Lot, Ask My Friends, They Had To Get Used To It.

Vot Else ? Bloggingggggggg ! Now, Lets Get It On !